Labels Matter

Labels matter. What I mean by this is that what you call yourself is important. A thing is named so that it can be identified, discussed, researched, and sought out by people who want that specific thing.

Imagine that you schedule an appointment with a Podiatrist regarding a problem with your foot. Now imagine that you get in the chair, and he wants to pull a tooth. Ridiculous right? Why? Because Podiatrists don’t pull teeth. If I had wanted a dentist, I would have called one. This is why labels and titles matter.

I get frustrated with women who call themselves Dominatrixes, when in fact they are not. For example, taking one’s clothes off on cam for money- not FemDom! Begging random people to pay for your $3 latte- not FinDom.

Who the fuck are you to tell me what a real Domme is? A Domme can be whatever she wants!

I will address this type of question/comment first since this is the go-to reply for every fake Pro- or FinDom I have ever met.

I am Mistress motherfucking Rage, that’s who the fuck I am! If that’s not enough for you, then know this; I have been a full-time professional Dominatrix for twenty years as of this month. I started doing this before some of you ladies were even born! I have starred in a documentary, been published in print, been interviewed on the radio, run dungeons in 5 states, conducted tens of thousands of professional BDSM sessions, have trained and mentored Dommes, taught workshops, lectured on BDSM in college classes, and I have owned slaves since before there was an internet or cell phones. My ENTIRE adult life has been spent involved with BDSM. So yeah, I have EVERY right to talk about what makes a real Domme and what doesn’t.

And yes, a woman can be whatever she wants. But I think we can all agree that if a lady calls herself a doctor, there are certain things she must do in order to be considered an actual medical doctor. In other words, don’t call yourself a podiatrist if you are a dentist. Get it? That is the premise from which I operate when talking about this topic.

Now, on to the essay…

FemDom seems to have less societal stigma associated with it than other forms of adult work like stripping, escorting, cam teasing, etc. I think this is why women who are clearly not Dommes prefer to call themselves that. There are several reasons why this is not a good idea. Here are some of them:

  1. It completely takes away from what real domination and submission is. By calling yourself a ProDomme when you are actually a cam stripper, you negate everything that Dommes have worked for in terms of what it is we do when submissives come to us for a session.
  2. It is false advertising on your part. A lot of you don’t get repeat business or tributes because the guys experienced zero domination on your part. You should hear some of the stories these guys tell me about fake Dommes.
  3. You make less money. When I look at the statistics of how many guys actively seek out BDSM professionals versus how many seek out cam strippers, I wonder why any lady who isn’t a real ProDomme would call herself one. Guys are far more likely to seek out a webcam stripper than a person to humiliate them.
  4. When guys get it in their dumb brains that cam stripping = BDSM, those of us who are real Dommes must then handle an onslaught of disrespectful assholes who honestly think it’s OK to ask us to “Show me your tits baby.” This is the opposite of how submissives males should behave. It works to reduce a man’s respect for Dommes specifically, and women in general. It’s only correlational at this point, but as ProDommes have become less “Dommely” I have noticed that the male clients have become more pushy, more entitled, more ill behaved, less submissive, and far less respectful of Dommes. We used to be considered Goddesses, now we are often considered “service providers”. I put 100% of the blame on the women who call themselves ProDommes. If fake ProDommes didn’t let guys get away with this shit, the creatures would learn to stop acting like misogynist fucktard predators – notice these guys don’t pull this shit in polite society. That is because there is a consequence.
  5. People tend to automatically think that exotic dancers/strippers are hookers. So many strippers engage in prostitution that the two occupations have become synonymous for some people. While some of you likely don’t care about this, those ladies who take stripping seriously as an occupation care a lot. I know some amazing strippers and exotic dancers, and I can assure you that they are nowhere close to being prostitutes. Label confusion leads directly to this type of problem in professional BDSM.
  6. Building on my last point, label confusion can cause some issues with law enforcement. I, for one, do not personally take kindly to cops trying to show up to my dungeon undercover to bust me because the last three “Dommes” they hit in a sting actually turned out to be hookers with whips. I had a good friend who is a police officer, and he talked about how nearly every “ProDomme” who advertised in his city entertainment paper was nothing but a chick in leather giving blow jobs. When I, a person in a legal occupation, through no fault of my own get lumped in with criminals such that cops want to look into my business, I do not take kindly to that.
  7. You, my dear lady, should not NEED to beg nor strip in order to make a man do what you want as a FemDom or FinDom. Any ole’ dickhead will do what you say just long enough so that he can touch you or see you finger fuck yourself. That is not an accomplishment. I can stand before my slaves, fully clothed, and demand ANYTHING I want. They fulfill the demand without question not because they might get to lick my pussy, watch me motorboat my tits on cam, or sniff my sock; they do it because they are slaves and their purpose is to serve me.¬†THAT is real empowerment. THAT is real dominance. THAT is power. THAT is respect.
  8. There is a difference between being a ProDomme and being a fetish or fantasy facilitator. On the surface they appear very similar. But there is a BIG difference to those in-the-know. The former leads, guides, and plans EVERY detail of the session according to her tastes, goals, preferences, mood, needs, etc. The latter asks a client what he wants her to do to him or what she should wear. The former acts according to her wishes and trains the slave to like it whereas the latter acts according to the wishes of the client. People seeking real dominance want a ProDomme. People seeking fetish or fantasy indulgment NEED a fetish facilitator. The confusion between the two has led to many disappointed fetishists and submissives because they cannot tell the difference.

It is difficult to find what you are looking for when everything is named the same. How does one communicate their desire for a muscle car over a truck if all vehicles are called the same thing? What if some salesmen called trucks cars and cars airplanes while another salesmen called them by their correct names. Don’t you think that would get confusing to a person who was out car shopping?

I do not write this because I look down on cam girls, strippers, hookers, escorts, fetish facilitators, exotic dancers, and so forth. I support every woman’s right to use her body to get what she wants, and more power to you for having the courage to go get yours. I do not consider hookers or strippers to be inferior to ProDommes or anyone else. I do not write this to denigrate any person working in the adult industry, that is not my intention. I write this because there is a problem in this profession. Granted, there is (thankfully) no specific way to be a real ProDomme, but there are attitudes and behaviors that definitely make you NOT a ProDomme.

The most interesting part about all of this is that my vanilla friends have always been spot on with regard to what being a real Domme and real slave are. The most clueless people, on the other hand, have been people IN the BDSM scene and profession.